Natural Birth – My Rant on the Right to Choose
From the beginning of time, we’ve all come into this world the same way, though our mother’s birth canal. Well, most of us. I’m not one of them actually. My mother had a scheduled C-Section on a Saturday morning, both for her and her doctor’s convenience. My understanding is they were friends, and this is common practice in Brazil, where 85% of births are scheduled C-sections. Sad, you might think: Sure, you can think whatever you want, and I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, but it was her choice, she has to live with it, and she seems pretty happy about it. What’s truly important? She had a choice, and she made it. Power to her.
I on he other hand, choose different than my mother. I am pro-natural childbirth all the way. I feel medically educated enough that is definitely what I want, as long as both myself and my baby are healthy and able to do it, which you best believe I’m doing all I can to make sure that’s the case.
So what is this post about? MY right, YOUR right, to choose what WE feel is best for us.
Modern medicine has just been wonderful at giving us many options, and now we are able to develop a “birth plan” which is a fancy way of organizing how we want to bring our babies into this world. Being pro-natural birth doesn’t mean I think the other options are wrong or that I wouldn’t apply them to my birth plan if needed, but that’s not what this “rant turns post” is about. It’s about the right to choose your path, as long as you’re able.
I’m going into my third trimester this week, beginning of week 27 and have been quite happy with my midwife. I’m generally healthy, have had good lab results up until now and am not showing any signs of complications. I do realize this can all change but I’m doing my best to remain this way until it’s time to meet my baby. Due to some travel concerns, we (my midwife and me) decided I’d be referred to an OBGYN closer to home, so I went to make an initial visit with this person just yesterday. It was quite an experience. Let me describe exactly how it went, without exaggerations, this is a promise. In all seriousness:
Upon arrival and typical insurance card exchanges, my weight was taken and I gave a urine sample. I was told this would happen every time I’d come in for a follow up. Then the nurse took me to the exam room and checked the baby’s heart rate, a strong 148 beats per minute. I was given a “pregnancy packet” and told the doctor would be right with me. Pretty standard I thought.
In the meantime I whipped out my phone and started reviewing the questions my husband and I came up with to ask her since this was our first encounter. He unfortunately couldn’t be there due to a business trip. She (the doctor) walked in to the room while I was lying down on my side, on the treatment table finishing up the read on the birth packet with the hospital information, drugs that are safe to take while pregnant and insurance information. I had read and re-read everything because I was waiting for over 45 minutes, which is considered “normal” I guess.
Anyway, I was lying there on my side, and she walked in and stood by the sink, about 6 feet away, and there she remained. She seemed relaxed with her tablet (high tech place) and asked me how I was feeling. I told her I was feeling fine, that I was very health aware (she knows I’m a physical therapist from my history) and had been keeping up with a good diet, prenatal yoga and such. She was supportive of the healthy lifestyle I described and even joked that she felt women should work up until the day they give birth and that there should be cross fit competitions for preggos. Until there, I thought, OK she’s pretty cool and doesn’t treat pregnancy like a disease, as I’ve heard other OB’s tend to do. Still in my lane.
Then she asked me how I was sleeping. I told her not very well this week as the baby apparently likes to starfish in my belly, much like I do on my bed (my husband can attest to that). He and I often joke the baby is just like me, always moving and very active, but probably has his face! Either way, I’ve been sleeping poorly during this transition week (from 26-27 weeks) as really, I do have a very active baby, but nothing I’m complaining about. At this point, I was expecting this, and I know sleepless nights will come.
The Dr. proceeds to share that that’s her number 1 complain in the clinic. Apparently a lot of patients ask: “How can us women sleep better during the later stages of pregnancy?”, to which her answer was, and I quote: “Load up on Benadryl or Tylenol PM, those are perfectly safe and you need your rest“. I was shocked. First of all, I didn’t ask for any help or advice on sleeping, I was simply answering her question which was “How are you sleeping”, but in no way was I looking for an intervention.
First sign something was off. Sure it’s annoying that you can’t get a good night’s sleep, but there is no reason to “load up” on sleep inducing medications to calm my baby down, aka drug my baby when I’m not in pain or am not having a severe allergic reaction. Really?
Next item on the agenda, and again, I quote: “Well, I deliver on Thursdays, that’s when I’m on call, and there are 5 other doctors on rotation (part of this physician group), so we could schedule your delivery for a Thursday during week 39 or 40. I don’t like to go beyond week 40 into 41 weeks because there are many risks the ‘natural people’ don’t tell you about“.
Ok, Pause. Digest….Nearly pinch myself. My response: “I’m looking for a natural birth, so I may not go into labor on a Thursday.” She proceeded to look at the wall calendar and said: “Your due date in December 22nd; if baby doesn’t come by then I think December 27th is perfect. You have a tax write-off“. At this point, I’m still trying to be a reasonable human being, probably out of the shock. I chuckle, as in, is this lady for real? She proceeds to tell me “Oh, you’re laughing, people actually ask for this. The sad part is, I believe it: I myself know of someone who did do this. But anyway, I calmly explain that I’d really like to have an ALL natural birth, to which she responds that I can still get a natural birth that is scheduled.
“I will let you labor for as long as you want when I’m on call, which is on Thursdays“.
Obviously, I’m missing something, as I think inducing labor is not natural, but I come to find out that is not her belief. She meant I could still have a vaginal birth without epidural use, even if I got induced. In her skewed world, this is a completely natural birth, but not in mine. That is still assisted, and I would still like to avoid it if possible. Personal preference; again, if needed, obviously induction is not off the table, but I’m not willing to make it happen just because it’s Thursday. Anyway, let’s move on because I didn’t feel like I wanted to schedule a my birth, at least not just yet (I mean, I’m barely 27 weeks pregnant and I’m hoping to carry to term, which is a 40 weeks, or beyond)!
Hi, it’s the first time I see you, and I bet you don’t realize this is an interview, and I don’t have to hire you to take care of ME and my baby!! Looking back, I should have definitely said that.
I went on to ask her about how many people can be in the delivery room and how she felt about doulas. (Question tailored by winecoach) OH. I can tell this was a sore spot for this lady. I could tell by her body language that she was quickly getting annoyed by my questions. By my natural birth questions. She folded her arms and said:” I don’t care for them, I think they get in the way and the last 3 doulas that were in the delivery room thought they were midwives, or at least were trying to interfere in care and as a result 2 of the babies ended up in the NICU and 1 ended up dead“.
Guys, I KID YOU NOT. This is exactly what she said. I was taken back, not even because I have a need or desire to have a doula, but it’s definitely an option I may look into, which clearly wouldn’t work well with this doctor. I felt like she used fear to possibly manipulate an outcome, and that just gave me the chills. Like I said, not only is this a time for her to evaluate me, it is one for me to evaluate her, and decide if she is the best choice for me. By now, I think I know the answer.
I think I swallowed some water the nurse had given me earlier and proceeded to evaluate and asked. How do you feel about birthing classes? I’m currently learning about the Bradley method of Childbirth (which mainly focuses on relaxation techniques and mentally getting prepared to get through labor and achieve a natural birth)? Her answer.
“I’m not a fan of those classes. Those people like to make it seem like all we (OBGYNs) want to do is get the job done so I can go play golf later. If you’re into meditation, you should look into hypnobirthing. If you can get there psychologically, you should do well.”
Hey, at least she actually suggested some form of natural preparedness for birthing. I gotta give her that, besides completely shooting down something that I have already invested time and money, and feel pretty strongly about, which is my current birthing preparation method that was suggested by my midwife as to include my husband in the birth as much as possible. The Bradley method is all about preparing the coaches (in this case, my husband) to be my coach during labor. I just love the idea of that, he is practically in doula training, so let’s focus on the positive here.
My final question, and I don’t want you guys to judge this doctor solely on this premise, but on all the previous behaviors described here: “You briefly mentioned you had a son, how was your birth?”. She answered that he was an angel given to him the day of his birth, but that she herself had never physically carried or delivered a baby: “Pregnancy is not for me, I’m glad I didn’t have to go through this“.
Mind you. I’m not judging this woman at all on the premise that she has never been pregnant and has no idea what it’s like to give birth, naturally, medically induced or by Cesarean section. At this point, I’m just appalled that she can be so judgmental of any birthing process that she hasn’t even tried herself. Heck, from the sounds of it, she never even considered being pregnant. Let’s just say I left there with a bitter taste in my mouth and made a follow up appointment for 2 weeks from tomorrow, which I will cancel, because I have no interest going back to see her. I was still in a trance when I left the clinic, but today I went back to reestablish care with my midwife and see what else is in store for us.
PS: I Later also realized that doctor never did introduce herself to me, and never touched me, not even once. She probably is a good doctor, a great surgeon, but has poor bedside manner and did not display wanting to be a partner in my birth, but a dictator of my choices, which are her choices. I’m sure some of her patients are satisfied with her, but unfortunately, she isn’t the one for me.
I feel everything happens for a reason, and maybe I had to endure this encounter so that I can speak more on this topic and enlighten myself and others on a subject that isn’t discussed as much as it should be. I feel blessed to have gone through it and be writing to you about it right now. Perhaps I needed to be used for this, and I accept. I rather it be with me than a young and inexperienced person who would take her word for what it is worth (not much in my book), and I can’t help but to think of how many of her patients are doping themselves each night by “loading up on benadryl or tylenol PM” thinking this is absolutely normal behavior.
I wrote this blog post to share my story in the hopes of empower YOU, the reader, the expectant mother, the experience laborer, the aspiring pregnant woman, that YOU have the power to make your decisions when it comes to birthing YOUR baby. Look for a provider who will work with you in partnership, listen to you and your needs, include your partner in the decision making process and do what is best for you and your baby. Educate yourself, do your research on how you want things to go and what to expect. Prepare yourselves mentally and assure your support system is in place, you will need them.
I shared this story with you all via Snapchat (Username: AnaSandee) last night and was overwhelmed with nearly 300 messages from YOU in less than 24 hours, sharing your stories and showing so much support it was overwhelming to me in the best of ways. Thank you for that. I hope enough people read this, raw truthful story, and that at least one person can be influenced to choose their path in this beautiful journey that is creating life. If I can get that message across, it was worth sharing every word on here. Women supporting and empowering women is beautiful, so do that for the next one.
I invite you to please share your stories in the comment section below, You can make a difference and touch another life with your message. I know you did me.
Thank you all so much!
Much love, Ana
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I have three children all with c section. My first pregnancy went up to 40 weeks and I went into labor. I was in labor for almost 24 hours where they decided I had to do a c section because I had a small passage. I was quite comfortable with that decision but after I had my baby my body took so long to heal, the outide took about six weeks and I was really concerned, I also realized I couldn’t do much for myself the first three weeks , eventually things got better as day goes by but in my next two pregnancy they didn’t gave me a choice they just set the dates for me to do my c section and as before I took long to heal but I was thinking maybe it’s my body type that is different from other people but on the other hand I saw where my friend had natural birth and heal so much faster and even look better. I wish I had the chance to choose natural birth with my two last pregnancy but I was young and didn’t understand. In my country you only can do 3 c sections then they tie your tubes so you won’t have no more kids because it risky. I wish a had go natural birth.
You were so right. It does not only apply to that specialty or to pregnant women. I have heard a lot of people complaining about doctors, and they lose hope on medical care. I’ve gone through many doctors, and I finally found one that’s amazing. Before my current doctor I had an awful one, I think it was the worst of all the doctors I’ve had. I went a couple of times, and decided to change. She took more patients than she could handle. She hired a physician assistant. The wait was awfully long. I just saw her once or twice, the rest of the visits I was seen by the PA. The first visit she prescribed a couple of meds without doing any tests. She was already recommending that I do expensive things. By the second visit according to the results she prescribed more meds, and recommended I buy from her supplements. One time I was worried because I has a small mass under my arm, and when the PA took a look, she laughed and said, “that’s nothing, I’ve seen worse.” I had more negative experiences there, but I wouldn’t stop writing, lol! The feeling I got was that she really didn’t care about her patients, she just wanted to make a lot of money, and that is why she was selling all these supplements, and recommending extra procedures, plus taking more patients than she could handle.. the more patients, the more money. The last time I went I decided to leave without even being checked because of how long I had to wait. When I went to my current doctor, she asked why I was taking certain medication, that I shouldn’t have been taking that. She removed me from the medication, and I did fine after that. She told me that she didn’t like to prescribe medications unless there is no other choice. She always has all appointments booked, but the wait is never too long. I know someone who went to about 4 different doctors, and the first three said she needed surgery. She refused to do it, and went for another opinion. The fourth doctor said she didn’t need surgery. Years later she didn’t have a problem. She really didn’t need the surgery. Just because they are professionals doesn’t mean that they are always right. If you are not comfortable with your doctor, go to a different one. There are always options. If you want to have something done, tell them. If you are not comfortable with a decision, tell them. They should listen and work with you. As you said it is a team, not a one sided thing. You should feel completely comfortable, and you should be in control, after all you can accept or deny any treatment. No one can force you into getting anything done. I love the part where you said, you are hiring them for their service. That is absolutely true. There are many great doctors out there, they love what they do, but there are also the same amount (or more) of bad doctors. So it can be difficult to find the right one for you. But if you look enough, you’ll find them.
Totally agree with your right to choose and yes your right to interview the doctor that may deliver your baby and hopefully choose a hospital that offers natural birthing options. And am glad to hear that your not against from deterring from natural if need be for your child. I have been a NICU nurse for 10years & have a child myself I don’t defend the doctors bedside manner but I believe she was just being honest!!! While I believe your a very educated physical therapist it’s still very different from any OB/GYN experience. Most moms wouldn’t know what we have seen in deliveries from mothers in their “natural birth plan” all is not pretty unfortunately! What I hope anyone gets from your post is that baby comes from first & please deliver in a hospital the most healthiest person/pregnancy cannot foresee complications that may arise in deliveries…..
Wow Ana. This doctor that you saw sounds like she doesn’t even deserve to be a doctor in my opinion. If it were me, I would have given her my HONEST thoughts lol. I jaw jropped as soon as I read that she recommended using benadryl and Tylenol pm as sleep aids. That is not ok! Those are far from natural. This is the kind of thing that pisses me off about these modern doctors is they don’t know enough about nutrition and holistic approaches. They are so quick to recommend an over the counter drug or prescribe an RX and be done with you. Insteaddd, what they should be doing is advising you to be healthy by eating a balanced diet, exercise regularly, take vitamins(if necessary), avoid processed foods and drinks, and drink lots of water! I know this doesn’t pertain to your situation but I went to a doctor a few months ago for my skin (acne) and this doctor had the nerve to recommend to me using MAC. MAC products…. I laughed inside. They are filled with so many chemicals. No thanks. I’ll stick to my natural and organic skin prodcuts. It just really amazes me what doctors these days will advise to their patients and it is truly sad. Nonetheless, by following you, I know you live a very healthy lifestyle so I have no doubt that you will have a successful natural birth! Thanks for inspiring me! Hope to meet you someday! ?
I am so happy to have read your story. I feel empowered when the time comes to pick ny doctor that I have choices. And I want to emphasize, just as you, that being pregnant is not easy. I am pregnant and diabetic. I have had to make a complete change in my eating and working out to avoid going on medication. Uktimately I have had to go, but its a very small dose compared to if I decided to tomake the easy road and just medicate without working to be the healthiest I can be. Thank you for sharing.
Ana, I totally missed your story from last night on snapchat but glad you made a blog for it! I’m so excited to hear you want to go natural for your birth!! It’s such an amazing experience. I delivered my second daughter through an all natural water birth. It’s so amazing what our bodies are built to do. I started off with an OBGYN but I knew I wanted to have a water birth very early on in my pregnancy! Thankfully, after telling my OBGYN she was super supportive and referred me to an awesome midwife. There is no way that “Doctor” you saw is serious with all the things she had the audacity to say. I wish you nothing but a wonderful rest of your pregnancy and a blessed delivery and baby when the time comes! ?
First I want to say, this is getting so common with OB/Gyn’s. Yes she is right, the videos made on natural births make it out that Ob/Gyns want to get the job done and play golf, because it is absolutely true. If they can’t get you delivered and done, they will do SOMETHING to move along your labor with pitocin. Not only does pitocin put stress on your baby but it is also exhausting for yourself. I have had 3 children and my last two boys were birthed naturally. My first however, I opted for the epidural. I went to a Lamaze class and birthing class when I was pregnant with my first. I went into labor with her at around 4:30 in the morning. I was not able to sleep through the pain so I labored while sitting up in bed until it was time for my husband to leave for work. He gets up at 6:30am and sees I’m in labor and questions about going to work but I told him I would be fine until he made it home. He would get home from work at 2:30. So as the day went on I was couch bound, I would try cleaning or keep my body moving, even tried a shower but I really couldn’t stand through my contractions, it was more comfortable to sit. I began timing my contractions and my husband was able to get off from work at 11 and he’s racing around the house like a nesting pregnant woman cleaning the car and doing all of these random things lol! I finally decided to make my way over to the hospital at around 4pm to see how far I was dilated. I lost my plug but my water never broke. We make it to the hospital and I was almost 5cm so they kept us, and let me tell you, I would have stayed home if I knew I was going to be bound to a hospital bed with an IV in my arm.. My contractions started becoming stronger and I was shaking pretty intensely from pain. This is when the pain consumed my feelings and I gave in for the relief of the epidural. I am not a fan of any kind of drugs at all.. Even with a headache, I do my best to refrain from medication. With the epidural, I was forced to stay laying down on my back until it was time to push. When I was ready to push, they leaned me up just a tad, which was a very awkward position. Not only was my positioning awkward but I was rushed into keep pushing even when I wasn’t contracting.. This led to tearing maybe TMI but gosh it was awful for my first experience. After my daughter was out, the doctor then was wanting to give me pain medicine, as usual, to get through the contraction of my uterus shrinking which I refused and didn’t take any. So this was my whole experience. With my two boys, I decided to have a midwife and boy, was there a big difference in routine and patience even! She worked with me through each contraction, she helped me to stay focused, was very supportive with all of my decisions… My advise for a natural birth is to invest in a stress ball to squeeze while you’re in labor, this really helped me or even push against a wall because for some reason doing this would help relieve my pain as well as finding a focal point in the room or even close your eyes and breathe. Calm music, candles, dim lights, bouncing on a big fitness ball, rocking on the fitness ball… These things will also help keep you relaxed and in the zone during your labor! I couldn’t agree more with everything mentioned in this blog! Indicing and C-Sections are almost becoming just a covenient procedure to get you done and out the door, as well as the use of pain meds. Midwives seem to be more caring and supportive.. And I recommend using a midwife for anyone wanting a natural birth. God bless!!
I had all three of my children naturally. I did not plan that but with my first, I had complications and had no time for an epidural or anything else. He was born so alert and everything went so well that I continued used that way with the other two. I would not have done anything different!! Doctors need to realize that they have the power to change the way first time mothers feel about themselves in a good way or a bad way so they need to be away of the things they say and how they say them. Babies come in God’s timing not on a doctors schedule!! I was also the first in my area to collect the cord blood from my last child and save his stem cells and despite giving my doctor all of the information on how to collect and why I had made the decision to keep his stem cells, he would not take them time to educate himself and my mom who is a nurse ended up collecting the cord for me. If I had not been so far along I would have switched doctors immediately.
I was so glad I caught your snap chat that day! At 7 weeks while in the ER from uncontrollable vomiting, nausea and food/drink aversions I was told it was morning sickness. A week later back in the ER same problem. This time I learned of hyperemesis gravederum. I asked if that’s what I had and I was told ‘all that means is you are throwing up a lot. WRONG! I learned about the disease advocated to see a doctor b/c most OBs won’t see you before 10 weeks. Fast forward I received the diagnosis worked with a midwife and she scheduled me for weekly IV. Week 15 still not better I’m told a doctor needs to see if I should be admitted to the hospital. Instead she suggest more IV and tons of med (some did help). The side effects were worse than my original sickness I communicated that and was encouraged to do more IV. Now 3 times a week. Week 19 I have this sickness a toddler to care for IV that makes me feel worse and anxiety. I was fed up scheduled a appointment to see if there is anything else. She says , “Yes, you can see a pernatologist.” What?!? I’ve been sick for over 10 weeks I’m just being told of a specialist?!? I was so frustrated. So I call the office which is in the same hospital and they say the doc said its not a rush we can schedule you for next month….?
I looked up a pernatologist in my area that would take my insurance and finally FINALLY I’ve found someone that listens. Ana you sharing your story is beyond empowering. Speaking your truth helps women like myself feel better about our gut feeling. I am now 23 weeks and I love seeing emails from my new doc who doesn’t push me off weeks or days. Feeling intimidated at the doctors is common but like you said know you have options. I wish I would have searched for mine sooner. Either way I am happy now working through this pregnancy with Hyperemesis.
I forgot to mention the first thing my new doc had me stop doing was IV. Since I have been able to eat a lot better.
This post is a little sad. I’m sorry you had such a disappointing experience at the OB/GYNs office. I confess that at some point above I stopped reading…the doctor bashing and point was made…got the gist. Some of the comments following were also a bit sad…even including one stating that midwives are more caring…that doctor doesn’t deserve to be a doctor were just a bit too judgemental and presumptive for me to keep reading. I respect that we are all entitled to our own perspective but it’s important to not jump to conclusions and perhaps offer the benefit of doubt. That said…you should feel comfortable with your care so yes…by all means…seek a midwife or a new OB but don’t bash the whole group of us. Yes…us…I’m an obgyn (not affiliated with wherever you went… I actually don’t really even know where you are located in the US). I ran across this blog bc I follow you on IG and we are close in gestational age so I periodically peak in to see how your pregnancy is going. So, I acknowledge that not all OBs are great…nor are all midwives. I took offense to your blog largely bc I take pride in my work and really enjoy taking care of my patients (and contrary to your comment about “hiring” her to deliver your baby)…I’m not a mechanic…I am not “hired” and don’t think that perspective should apply to your doc. It’s more than a “job” that I’m doing and I take it and my patients well being and experience very seriously. That is a shared feeling by many of my colleagues and friends in the field…i definitely don’t think myself unique in that viewpoint. While you assume that the obgyn’s idea of “natural” was “skewed” perhaps it was simply shaped by experience and while her message was perhaps not well conveyed, perhaps it was well intended. Before you make assumptions about my biases…I will say that I’ve delivered and supported women wanting and having a “natural” delivery on more occasions than I can count. I’ve had women doing yoga in labor, Bradley method, delivered babies squating, on hands n knees etc. The majority of my own friends with babies had “natural” deliveries…no meds etc. I use quotations on natural bc I find the whole process natural no matter how you go about it. You’re growing a human…it’s as organic as it gets. I hesitate to imply that alternative birthing desires/plans are somehow unnatural bc I’ve run into a number of women who have been either disappointed, shamed or ended up feeling shame when they were unable to have the “natural” delivery they envisioned (for one reason or another including just simply opting for meds bc lets be honest you can’t prepare for labor pain and know how you’ll respond until faced with active labor). I respect patient autonomy and think it the goal and awe inspiring when a woman comes in with a plan and is able to have the birth experience that she hoped. Still, I’ve also been on the receiving end of home births gone wrong where I’m left trying to save a woman’s life bc her villainization of obgyns ultimately lead to poor medical care at the hands of a midwife (gasp!). I’ve been called in to assist midwives in one hairy situation or another and have always appreciated the collaboration. That said, I strongly believe that not every patient is an appropriate patient for a midwife as will some patients perhaps be better suited to be seen by a midwife (such as yourself 🙂 ). This is an individualized decision and doesn’t make one provider better or worse than the other. I hope your pregnancy continues to go well and your birth experience be all that you hope it’ll be. When the time comes, I hope you are unfiltered in sharing that experience with others and help support women seeking whatever birth experience works for them (epidural from the first contraction, meds, elective sections and all). In all honesty, our experience and desires for the delivery are actually extremely similar. I guess the difference is that I just don’t have a birth plan…doula…planned classes…haha. Doing this job…I’ve seen enough to know that I can’t really plan much for what’s to come. I’ll do what I can and hopefully the lil nugget and hubby will do the same (and believe me in all other aspects of life…I’m a planner!)…but for whatever reason that perspective gives me a lot of peace throughout this process. I wish you the best and do applaud you being your own advocate…I guess I just wanted to have my own lil rant. I remember I once had a patient (her baby had medical issues that were concerning) who misconstrued recommendations I made for her to be induced as somehow a lack of interest in her having a “natural” or vaginal delivery…that patient’s misperception still bothers me to date. It was and remains so far from the truth that it frankly hurt my feeling that she felt that way. The lesson learned from that experience was just how communication can shape perception sooo much. So, I guess I empathized with that obgyn a bit and wanted to voice a different perspective. That said…I’m still just a woman having my first baby…hoping it all goes well. That is a universal and I think shared truth.
My story will last with us for the rest of our lives and I’m really nervous but relieved to finally tell it! I always feel judged or like I’m exaggerating when I tell people my story because I didn’t have anyone be rude about it I was just so unprepared and uninformed! I was 19 when my husband (then boyfriend) and I got pregnant for the first time, I have PcoS and 1 ovary so right there it should tell you I need a little extra attention to detail. We miscarried at 8 weeks and we’re devistated. We married and got pregnant again a little less than a year later, My periods are irregular and close to non existent and my due date was based off my baby’s size. My appointments went by as usual I had strep b so needed an antibiotic (even then very uniformed about it I know much more now! Diet is key!!!) the day I hit “38 weeks” my doctor told me we should induce because I was “ready” and he would like to do it soon because there wasn’t a need to have him in longer so being tired and as ready as I thought I could be we said let’s do it. Delivery was fine, I thought. I arrived on Friday at 530 to the hospital and had to have my water broken, my membrane stripped and I had to be PHYSICALLY DIALATED! Imagine that if it’s never happened to you, just picture it. 27 hours and 2 doses of pitocin later my baby was here. 1 week later my baby had the first of 24 ear infections within the first 2 years of his life. What should’ve been a max of 6 before surgery became 24! My doctor kept putting it off and when he finally sent us to the specialist he said my sons ears never developed properly and did his first tube surgery. That failed, a year later he did a second surgery that worked but by then my son was 3 1/2 and not speaking we took him back and after tests discovered my son had hearing loss. They operated again and we put him in therapy, he started school very early and was in special ed classes up until this year his first year in regular education. It’s been a journey his tube barely came out last week! He can speak and hear much better now but my baby, my son my life my world was telling me he wasn’t ready to come out. We forced him out before he was ready and because of that he has a lifelong problem that although we can manage is my fault. I know many will say not to think that way but as a parent it’s my job to be subjective and accountable. I’m 21 weeks pregnant now and I will never put my baby though that again. Don’t feel forced don’t let someone tell you they know better than your own body and baby, nothing matters more.
Nothing matter more. You are amazing. Thank you for sharing your story and empowering the rest of us to fight for our right. We learn from our “mistakes” and I know you will do right by your baby this time. Your son is amazing, and is catching up!! I’m not going to say don’t think it’s your fault, but you were pushed and didn’t know better, so know you just did your best and that is all we can do as mothers. Hugs and kisses to you! Thank you so much love!
Thank you for giving us an outlet I didn’t even realize my story mattered. And yes this time I know and I understand that the advice I get from everyone is just that advice and I can learn from it even if I haven’t experienced it. ? Thank you again I feel so much more empowered ever since I started following your journey and these comments as well I’m so much more prepared and informed this time, listening to everyone really does make a difference. Listen to unsolicited advice because it’s not given to hurt you it’s there to help you
OMG yes. Your story matters! It matters to me and to the other girls going through it now, in the future and for those who have also gone through it. Thank you again for speaking up! I know it motivated me to continue to stand my ground. ?
http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/Reducing-fear-of-birth-in-U-S-c
This is the type of care all women should access to. http://avivaromm.com/midwife-better-doctor
Hi Ana this is Heather aka Illusionsofthesoul you wanted me to share my story here I had shared it with you because I found it funny and thought you’d laugh. .. I had to have an epidural because I don’t do pain well at all… once the nurse put the epidural in my husband(at the time he’s now my ex) accidentally knocked out the epidural and I could feel the contractions my mom ALWAYS teased him about that afterwards also when my doctor kept asking me to push I thought I was but my legs were so numb I couldn’t feel anything.. one thing I forgot to mention was that my mom kept asking me why wasn’t I screaming like the pregnant women do in the movies LOL I am proud of you for going natural I honestly wish I was able to
I’ve had all 3 of my babies via C-section. My 1st was an emergency C-section. They did not realize, in time, that the position he was in would make it impossible to deliver him vaginally. Later on, I was told I couldn’t deliver any future babies any other way than by C-Section. Whether that’s true or not I’ll never know. Looking back…I feel like I was bullied into having all my babies via C-Section so they could insure that they’d be the one delivering and not one of the other 4 OBGYN’s in the clinic. (more money for them when they are personally there) And when it was convenient for them…not me or my baby.
Interestingly enough…my doctor had never carried a child in her womb either. But she certainly had strong opinions about how and when her patients would deliver.
I appreciate how strong you are being and what a good example you’re setting for those who are currently being bullied.
Pregnant women have choices. But sometimes we forget that.
I know many women who have delivered at home, completely natural, with only a midwife (and her support) in a portable bathtub full of soothing warm water.
The duration of labor and delivery is short when compared with the many years of joy you will have with your daughter.
Wishing you a wonderful delivery ! ☺️
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